Happy April Fools’ Day! While today is a celebration of having fun and pulling pranks on loved ones, let’s focus on the fanbases who are tired of the sick pranks that their favorite programs are inflicting on them almost every season. While their sufferings can make great content on the internet, we can only sympathize with the internal pain that they suffer from a humane perspective.

1. Texas

“Texas is Back!”

These poor fools. They have gone through so much pain that they’ve essentially been brainwashed into joking themselves. Sam Ehlinger is partially to blame for this. Imagine the scenes after that Sugar Bowl victory over Georgia. If Tom Herman’s signal caller would’ve just been humbler in his speech, do we still give the Longhorns the same shtick for being perennial underachievers in 2022? Maybe so, but we wouldn’t have to see his face after every Texas heartbreak. For the last 10 years, it feels as if every time a hot name comes up in the coaching market, the Longhorns are among the first to bid, i.e. Charlie Strong and Herman. Sign big name to massive contract, beat Oklahoma once, underachieve the rest of the way, buyout said massive contract, rinse, wash, repeat. This program lands top recruiting classes and even brought in the undisputed No. 1 recruit of 2021. If the pain goes on for any longer, the Longhorns program will be seen more as a tragic drama than a thrilling comedy. 

2. UCLA

The definition of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” in the Pac-12. A valid answer needs to be provided for why this team is never better. It’s obvious why there are more people at the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday than the Rose Bowl, as the Bruins haven’t won a Pac-12 South title since 2012 and haven’t played in the Rose Bowl Game since losing to Wisconsin in the 1998 season. Chip Kelly was brought in to bring back his electrifying offense from his Oregon days, but it hasn’t even been as entertaining as Chris Rock at the Oscars. While the Bruins had a strong 2021 season, we still await for them to compete with the likes of Utah and the newly-revamped USC. 

3. Miami (FL)

Any time you hire someone such as Manny Diaz, the jokes are only going to write themselves, and watching a Rhett Lashlee offense only provides an extra punchline. With both out the door, fun time might be over for the bloggers who love to provide the endless memes on Saturdays as Mario Cristobal and his staff will look to provide a new image on this once legendary program. While the real joke is having won only one bowl game since the 2007 season and the weekly underwhelming attendance at Hard Rock, real change has arrived in Coral Gables and a new era of Miami Hurricanes football is about to begin. 

4. Tennessee

A running gag for over a decade, Tennessee football has done almost nothing but make Smokey whimper on the sidelines. Churning out head coaches the same way country singers churn out overrated music, the Vols may finally be on the cusp of turning it around as a program. While the Music City Bowl was a disaster finish to the Volunteers’ much-improved 2021 season, Josh Heupel looks like the man to lead the charge in Knoxville, and Hendon Hooker could be among the biggest names to have a true breakout season. It may come as a shock to some people, but that Music City Bowl debacle was the Vols’ first bowl loss since Derek Dooley’s first season in 2010. For Tennessee to catch up to the same level as Georgia, it will have to reach 10 wins for the first time since 2007. If Heupel still can’t turn the ship around, the Vols faithful may laugh with more insanity than The Joker in “The Dark Knight.”

5. Wisconsin

The quarterback play in Madison should be compared more to a “Saw” movie than a comedy. It is honestly a miracle that most Wisconsinites don’t require LASIK eye surgery after watching the quarterbacks perform worse than the actors in the “Scary Movie” franchise. Even landing one of the top passers of the 2019 class has done no favors for this program. Despite consistently having a Heisman-caliber running back, NFL-size linemen, and a top-10 defense, the passing game will always falter Wisconsin football especially in the biggest games. The Caleb Williams transfer to USC was further proof that Badgers fans are not allowed to have anything nice for quarterbacks. If Paul Chryst’s staff can’t turn Graham Mertz around in 2021, people in Madison will feel as ridiculed as Dumbo with the clown face.