Welcome back to another season of college football, and your favorite weekly cheat sheet, Mapping Out Your College Football Weekend! Each week I will swing through the matchups, sorted out by television window, highlighting the most interesting things for you to train your eyeballs on each weekend. 

We start with Week Zero, college football’s odd conglomerate of blowout matchups and lower-tier intrigue. The NFL and NBA both start their seasons with superstars and championship contenders meeting in a high-profile, nationally-televised affair. Baseball begins with the pomp and circumstance of Opening Day, the pageantry matched nationwide as the league’s aces all take the mound. 

College football? Nah. Enjoy a grab bag of Hawai’i opponents, FCS schools, and a couple teams that choose to play in Ireland. We get some headline matchups starting next week, but for now, this will have to do. And for the weary traveler who survived through eight football-starved months, a game like Florida International vs. Louisiana Tech is a welcome oasis.

We could complain and moan about what Week Zero isn’t, but let’s take the time to celebrate for what it is. Let’s dip our toes into the water of college football and savor this week’s slate, paltry as it is. We only get about four months of this, so enjoy.

Below, I’ve listed the nationally-televised games, sorted by viewing window for you to keep track. All times are Eastern, because, well, duh. Included is each team’s rank in Bill Connelly’s preseason SP+ rankings to give you a sense of the matchup.

Let’s get it on in Week Zero!

Midday:

Navy (102) vs. Notre Dame (11) (in Dublin, Ireland) — 2:30 PM on NBC

Our season officially begins from Ireland, as thousands of Notre Dame fans descend upon their ancestral lands to celebrate their heritage with traditions such as grilling bratwursts in parking lots and yelling at the coaches to run the ball. Navy had the most one-sided defense in football last year: the Midshipmen were one of the absolute best against the run, but could barely make a stop when opponents passed. The Mids shut down Notre Dame’s ground attack in last year’s matchup and will need to be better against the pass in order to be competitive with a Notre Dame team now featuring a decorated quarterback in Sam Hartman.

North Alabama (FCS) at Mercer (FCS) (from Mobile, Ala.) — 3:30 PM on ESPN

UTEP (118) at Jacksonville State (123) — 5:30 PM on CBS Sports Network

This could be a fun one! Jacksonville State is making the leap to FBS football, and the Gamecocks’ passionate fan base will show out for the program’s graduation ceremonies this Saturday. If you don’t already know who will be patrolling the Gamecocks’ sideline, you are in for a treat — it’s Rich Rodriguez!

Primetime:

Ohio (93) at San Diego State (80) — 7 PM on FS1

On a day when both Caleb Williams and Sam Hartman take the field, the discerning viewer knows this is the most exciting quarterback matchup on the slate. The Aztecs will be led by quarterback-turned-safety-turned-quarterback Jalen Mayden, who launches left passes and brings the kind of athleticism to his scrambling that you would expect from a former defensive back. He is charged with outdueling Ohio’s Kurtis Rourke, Nathan’s younger brother and a preseason favorite for MAC Player of the Year. 

Massachusetts (133) at New Mexico State (126) — 7 PM on ESPN

This is the Sickos Committee Game of the Century, and it lives in primetime on the mothership. What a treat! Both programs traditionally dwell in the FBS basement, although New Mexico State began climbing to the surface last season. The Aggies made — and won — a bowl for only the fourth time in school history and will be looking to repeat that feat with an improving defense and Diego Pavia’s playmaking ability at quarterback.

Hawai’i (120) at Vanderbilt (76) — 7:30 PM on SECN

There are some similarities here: both teams are helmed by energetic young head coaches who are alumni of the programs they are tasked with rebuilding. Both are undergoing serious renovations, including to-the-studs roster overhauls and stadium construction. Both are on an island: Hawai’i, literally, and Vanderbilt, figuratively, as the SEC’s lone academics-over-football program. The similarities end there, as the Commodores pantsed the Rainbow Warriors last fall and are positioned to do the same again this year. 

Jackson State (FCS) vs. South Carolina State (FCS) — 7:30 PM on ABC

This is a rematch of the 2021 Celebration Bowl, but this iteration will feature far fewer Sanderses. Deion, of course, and his talented sons are off to Colorado, leaving behind a relatively bare cupboard back in Jackson.

San José State (94) at USC (10) — 8 PM on PAC-12N

Caleb Williams is a precocious talent, a true gamebreaker who won the Heisman Trophy as only a sophomore. He is a jaw-dropping creator whose improvisational skills evoke sacred names like Rodgers and Mahomes. Every chance to watch him play college football must be cherished and treated like a gift from the sporting gods. So why did the suits bury him on the anonymous Pac-12 Network? Sigh. 

Late Night:

Florida International (130) at Louisiana Tech (112) — 9 PM on CBS Sports Network

We cap off our mish-mash slate with a Conference USA league matchup that could end up being the pointsy-est matchup of the day. Both teams will have forgiving defenses, and at least one of them (Louisiana Tech) will have a good offense. Hank Bachmeier is now playing quarterback for Tech and is one of my nominations to be this season’s Official Channel-Flipping “Oh, That Guy!” Guy, a product of the transfer portal and the offseason quarterback musical chairs. Other nominations included Georgia Tech’s Haynes King, Purdue’s Hudson Card, FAU’s Casey Thompson, and Rice’s JT Daniels.