Why Your College Football Weekend Sucked: Week 10

Dan Keegan
Photo Credit: Gator Country

Welcome to my first edition of Why Your College Football Weekend Sucked, wrapping up Week 10 of the season. You know how some fan sites and message boards do “Good, Bad, and Ugly” or “Winners and Losers” for a particular week? Think of this as all ugly baby, losers only.

Now this isn’t a comprehensive list; plenty of people had sucky college football weekends (bye Alex Grinch!). But these are the standouts. 

Your college football weekend sucked…..

…if you are Sam Hartman.

Notre Dame’s quarterback completed only 13 of 30 passes and threw two interceptions, including a pick-six. He let Dabo Swinney have a triumphant moment, which is probably a pretty bad feeling. Hartman fell to 0-5 all-time against Clemson, becoming the first Power Five quarterback to have five losses to the same team since Chris Rix two decades ago.

…if you are Ari Wasserman.

Wasserman, a personality for The Athletic, had an all-time Doesn’t Know Ball moment when he said on his podcast “Until Saturday” that Georgia would be up 28-0 on Missouri after the first quarter and that the Bulldogs’ backups could win this game. Obviously the game was a lot closer than that, as Missouri proved it belonged on the same field. Wasserman is a vocal “stars matter” believer, which proves to be correct year after year, but his way of espousing it often comes off like a landlord making fun of homeless people.

…if you heckled a tuba player in the Texas Southern band.

RIP.

…if you are a Marshall fan.

The Herd just lost their fifth ballgame in a row, falling 31-9 to rival Appalachian State. Marshall fans have seen their offense fail to break double-digit points for three straight contests, and now the usually excellent defense is struggling thanks to the collapse on the other side of the ball. Hey, look on the bright side: at least you probably won’t lose head coach Charles Huff now!

…if you are a Maryland blocker or ball-carrier.

The Terps finished with -49 rushing yards on the ground against Penn State. Most of that was yardage lost on six sacks taken by Taulia Tagovailoa, but even if you ignore his statline, the rest of the Terrapins only “gained” -2 yards on seven carries. I think actual terrapins might have done better.

…if you were covering Chris Lewis.

Troy’s big-play receiver caught four balls for 120 yards and three touchdowns Thursday against South Alabama. He was on fire, making serious catches in tight coverage, leaving South Alabama defenders feeling helpless on national television. 

…if you are Micah Pettus.

At least that tuba player’s victim looks like he thoroughly deserved it. Pettus received a colossal punch to the frank ’n’ beans from Texas A&M’s Shemar Turner for the apparent crime of playing football against Shemar Turner.

….if you are Billy Napier.

All last summer, Billy Napier preached to the Florida faithful that they needed patience, that it would take time to rebuild from the depths of the Dan Mullen era (34-15 in Gainesville, by the way). I get it, I do: it takes a few years to build up the kind of roster through high school recruiting that can compete with Georgia and Alabama. But it does not take two seasons — not in the transfer portal era — to build a team that can, say, beat a two-win Arkansas team at home. Napier is now 11-11 at the helm of the Gators program, and his final three opponents of this season are all in the top 15 of the first College Football Playoff rankings. Sun Belt Billy is not beating the allegations right now. 

….if you are an Oklahoma fan.

Imagine you are a Sooners fan, happily enjoying life as Big 12 royalty, coasting into the playoff every year, and winning 80% of the time against your archrival Oklahoma State. And now you are about to go be a middle class SEC team, and the Cowboys just got the final “scoreboard!” bragging rights against you in the last-ever Bedlam. Cool, man. Cool cool cool.

…if you watched Northwestern-Iowa.

No further comment.

…if you played, coached, rooted for, watched, or otherwise had anything to do with the Miami Hurricanes offense.

Six points. Six! 292 total yards, four turnovers. Miami made NC State’s defense — solid, 24th in SP+, but nothing to write home about — look like 2001 Miami. Remember those guys, Miami fans? Remember when college football used to be fun?

….if you are Connor Stalions.

Two weeks ago, this guy was living the life. Completely anonymous, traveling the country for free, getting paid by his dream employer to go to college football games, on the sideline every Saturday in the Big House. He was truly making a difference for the thing he loved. Sitting in the airport lounge, eating a burger, texting his buddies about his college football crimes, jotting down ideas in his 500+ page Google Doc manifesto. What a dream. 

Now he has resigned and is the butt of every joke, and everyone knows who he is. This mess he has made could disrupt Michigan’s perfect season, rather than elevating it to the championship podium. He will never work in football again. He joins names like Steve Bartman, Jeffrey Maier, and Jeff Gillooly; the best case is he is a punchline in college football circles for the rest of his life.

All of that to watch a whole lot of Big Ten football in person. Hope it was worth it. 

About the author

Dan Keegan
Website | Read more posts by this author

Born in Washington, DC, and living in New York City, I am the target demographic of the Big Ten's last expansion. I attended the University of Missouri in the Big 12 era, but I love life in the SEC. I am passionate about college football, baseball, board games, Star Wars, the written word, progressive politics, and the perfect slice of pizza.

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