Hello there, it’s-a me, Mario! Wait, that’s not the line. Hello there, this is NoContextCFB and I’m cringing HARD. Why? WHY??? Have you seen what Brian Kelly has done in the last few months?? He’s a menace to society. The man must be stopped! Then I realized what we all need is to compare Kelly’s cringiest moments to the master of cringe in Dabo Swinney. Welcome to the Cringe Contest…

Brian Kelly EXECUTES His ENTIRE Team

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— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) September 6, 2021

HELLO??? Following a 41-38 OT win at Florida State, Brian Kelly says he’s “in favor of execution” and states that maybe his “entire team needs to be executed tonight”… BRUH!!? The word “execute” has several different meanings. Let’s focus on the two simple ones though. One option: to execute a plan. Another: to kill someone who did something bad. It’s evident that Kelly very clearly made it sound like he meant the second definition of the word “execute.” Did Brian Kelly claim that he’s in favor of killing people? Did Brian Kelly hint at potentially wanting to execute his entire team following a somewhat embarrassing performance? Nah… he couldn’t have… right?

Now where does this absurd interview rank when evaluating cringe? That’s for you to decide. Select a number from 1-10 and then we’ll move on to Dabo’s first facepalm-worthy moment.

DABo

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— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) January 29, 2022

First off, I apologize for making you watch this video. Going back to early November in 2015, Clemson had just beaten Florida State (strange coincidence) and clinched a spot in the ACC Championship Game. To celebrate this feat, Dabo felt the need to dance and put the DAB in Dabo. My eyes hurt. I’m sure your eyes hurt. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR dabs. There isn’t much else to say aside from the fact that I hate and love everything about this.

Bring the cringe meter back out and rank this from 1-10. You’ve now got one score each for Kelly and Swinney. At this point, one is cringier than the other. Will that hold up after the final two clips?

BK’s TikTok Dance Party

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— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) January 28, 2022

Perhaps the most viral video of the four we’re looking at today. Brian Kelly made it clear that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to secure a recruit… Danny Lewis Jr. posted a TikTok featuring him and Kelly on a platform during Danny’s visit to LSU. We see Brian Kelly dance for 25 seconds too long. Oh my goodness… The weird head nodding, the bizarre fingers swiping near his eyes. It’s so bad. At least Danny Lewis Jr. committed to LSU though! Oh… he didn’t. Danny is going to Alabama. And in a perfect world, we could only imagine that Brian Kelly’s TikTok Dance Party is what won Nick Saban this recruiting battle.

You know the rules. Give this one a score from 1-10 and your total for Brian Kelly is now final! Will Dabo be able to edge out Kelly?

Dabo’s TikTok Phase

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— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) September 25, 2021

Yeah so, apparently both of these coaches love TikTok. This is Dabo’s TikTok debut from back in May of 2020. He went for the nursery rhyme throwback. Do we respect that? It just hurts so bad the more you watch it. It hurts when you’ve avoided this clip for months and see it back on your screen. “Coach Swinney’s got that drip.” A line that will never escape my poor brain… Sigh. Oh and his little dancing in this video is horrific too!

Give it a score from 1-10. You now know the true King of Cringe!

That concludes the Cringe Contest between Brian Kelly and Dabo Swinney. Tweet me your scores for each coach and let me know who won the Cringe Crown!

Thank you for your support on here and Twitter. Appreciate you all a bunch!

If you have suggestions for another Cringe Contest just let me know!